Karen McFarlane: 0:33

Hi Brittany. Hi Karen, how are you? I'm good. I am good. I am excited for another episode of Season 3. And today, I think we're going to talk about something that really links back to our new framework around, our new focus on eudaimonia.

Brittany S. Hale: 0:57

Yes, yeah, and for our listeners, would you mind sharing a little bit about the framework?

Karen McFarlane: 1:02

Yes, so basically we are focused on eudaimonia, which means human flourishing. So we wanted to switch up a little bit how we talked about our views on leadership, culture, business, politics, just the whole environment, the whole climate, and we came up with this framework, but it's actually ripped from Aristotle's five values, five virtues, and so we can remember it, and so you can remember it it is the SPENT framework S-P-E-N-T, and SPENT stands for five different Greek words S is for Sophia, which is understand why something matters. P is for phronesis, which is use good judgment. E is for episteme, which is know the facts. N is for nous trust your intuition, and techne is the T, which means make it real. That is the spent framework and that's how we're going to be talking about our subject matters going forward.

Brittany S. Hale: 2:12

Excellent, Excellent. So you know, all this talk about Aristotle is jogging my mind and what's been all across my algorithm, which is Bama Rush. Are you familiar with Bama Rush?

Karen McFarlane: 2:29

I'm not familiar with Bama Rush, so tell me about it.

Brittany S. Hale: 2:33

I'm happy to share because you may think, what does Alabama and Aristotle have in common? And the first thing is, of course, bama Rush is in reference to the week Rush Week that happens at the University of Alabama. So family members have gone to the University of Alabama, family members have joined sororities at the University of Alabama and I've seen a few articles about women who acted as consultants for families who are interested in getting their daughters into certain sororities while at the University of Alabama. So I'm going to explain my very rudimentary understanding of Bama Rush. I should let you know any and everything that I've learned is through anecdotal storytelling and social media, but I'm happy to ground you, karen.

Karen McFarlane: 3:32

Please, because, just for transparency, I've never pledged a sorority. I'm not familiar with you know other than what I've seen randomly on social media and some anecdotes from people around you. Know the process of even getting in. I know a little bit about Rush Week, but I don't really know much about Rush Week, so any intel you can provide me would be fantastic.

Brittany S. Hale: 3:57

Absolutely, and I should also be very, very clear that this discussion about Rush Week is firmly grounded in the Panhellenic Council, which is different from the NPHC. The NPHC consists of what we call the Divine Nine, which are the Black founded sororities and fraternities, many of which were founded at Howard University. Some were founded at other universities throughout the country, and so that is a very different experience. The D9 or Divine Nine experience is very different from the rush that happens with the National Panhellenic Council.

Karen McFarlane: 4:48

Okay.

Brittany S. Hale: 4:48

All right, that's good to know Okay.

Brittany S. Hale: 4:52

I was definitely thinking about the Divine Nine and it makes a lot of sense because there are multiple members of my family who are part of the D9 and I have a healthy respect for them and so the main difference that I've been able to see I also have family members who've rushed in various fraternities that were not part of the D9. With the D9, of course, there comes the kind of lifetime commitment right. So for many of us when we think about rush, we may think about or we think about sororities or fraternities. We think about the four years of your undergraduate experience In the Divine Nine, those relationships, that commitment to service and sisterhood and all of those things. That is a lifetime commitment. For the rest of your life you will be involved. I have family members who are lifetime members or you know they've been involved in their sororities for 25 years plus, so they are in it.

Karen McFarlane: 6:04

Yeah, I was just thinking of a friend of mine who's an alpha on the paternal side who is totally in it, you know from college, was president, still actively involved, wears all the gear anytime he can just the whole representation. But another really cool part of it is the network that you develop over that time and the fact that once you find out that you know your fellow sorority or fraternity member, that there's an instant connection that you can leverage 1,000%.

Brittany S. Hale: 6:40

I should note that our one of our most, our most recent woman vice president is a member of the D9. She's a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Incorporated. Alpha Kappa, alpha Sorority Incorporated. And, yeah, you're absolutely right, and the difference in that is that you can still obtain membership through the graduate process, right, the undergraduate process, junior graduate process.

Brittany S. Hale: 7:09

Bama Rush, we're solely focusing on the undergraduate experience, so, using the spent framework, why does this matter? So this matters for a few reasons. One to your point about networking. This is really the seed and the genesis of how many people form professional and personal networks at the beginning of their undergraduate experience. This is also a phenomenon that shifts your algorithm if you're on TikTok or other forms of social media, and it is ironically, believe it or not, it is also a time-honored tradition, right, we have tons of traditions. So there's a, there's a woman who is her family. Both parents went to the university of alabama and the colors, I believe, are crimson and white, and they are so committed, so focused on their experience, that her maiden name which has since changed because she's now married with children, but our maiden name was crimson and white, oh, middle name and a n? N? E last name, white. Oh, that's very creative, okay. So, understanding why it matters, there's a uh, there's a personal uh, there's there's a sense of tradition and there's this sense of community which, as social creatures, we, we, as humans, we love. Right Now let's talk about the practical wisdom and using good judgment.

Brittany S. Hale: 9:08

So, with BAM to Rush during this week, if you are planning to rush, meaning that you have an intent to join or for this purpose we'll talk about sororities Then you move in one week before other students, because you participate in what's called brush week, and you will list all of the sororities that you are interested in and I will show you videos. These are very highly produced introductions you have, you know, if you think of I don't know if you saw the movie House Bunny, it was a spoof on sororities but you have these big mansions that these students live in and you have dozens of girls who are dancing these choreographed dances. They're, all you know, hitting their eight counts and they live in these homes and it is, it's a huge deal of care. Okay, it sounds like fun, and so you attend events. The goal of doing these choreographed intros is to become attractive and to attract the best girls, right, the best students and these girls will go to events, they will get to know the sisters of that particular sorority and then the sisters will what's called make a bid on them. And so, over the course of the week, you will get a letter that lets you know who's bid on you and you continue to attend their events. And then, finally, you will see that one of two sororities have bid on you. And now, with the advent of social media, girls will record themselves opening up their bid letters, screaming in joy, falling out in tears.

Brittany S. Hale: 11:11

Okay, so now the practical wisdom comes in. The scientific knowledge of it is that there are hundreds of thousands of dollars, if not millions of dollars, that goes into this whole process. Why, do you ask? Girls try to position themselves in high school as influencers because they have the goal of being, they want to be chosen, they want to be bid on, they want to have the experience. So you want to go to a school that has a very vibrant Greek life and these properties that the sororities and fraternities own, these are historic properties. Some have been on this land for more than 100 years. These up, these things, they come with maids, chefs. It's a really interesting life.

Brittany S. Hale: 12:30

But now there's a new ecosystem of sorority consultants which are women who may be part of some of these storied sororities, and they provide positional consulting for these students to be appealing. So what kind of photo shoots are you going to have? What is your Instagram group like? What kind of clothes are you going to wear? So, if they are, you know, if they're a, for example, if they're a Burberry group, then you need to show up and you need to wear Burberry. If you, you know, you have to wear Tiffany. You know all of this. So it's a very expensive endeavor at the outset, so I'll just pause there. I'm throwing a lot of information at you.

Karen McFarlane: 13:24

Yeah, okay, wow.

Brittany S. Hale: 13:28

Now, of course, we've heard of, and maybe done so, hiring tutors for your child. Right College consultants to make sure that your child can get into the best college possible. Consultants to make sure that your child can get into the best college possible.

Karen McFarlane: 13:48

Have you heard of a sorority consulting? No, I'm going to go back and ask a question. Why is this so important to become part of a sorority or fraternity? I mean, I know I talked about the networking aspect of it and the long-term value, but are there other benefits that I'm unaware of?

Brittany S. Hale: 14:10

So the benefits of it is relationships mainly, right, it's all in who you know. Okay, how often have you said it's not what you know, all in who you know. How often have we said it's not what you know, it's who you know. And so this one, can you truly put a cost on happiness? Right, if your child is convinced that this would be the epitome of a college experience that you need to have have. And so there are a number of sororities where these are daughters of some of the most elite families throughout the United States. Indeed, some of the girls who are bidding, the girls already in the sorority, are, at times, even looking at the address and researching their home address on Zillow to get a sense of how much the parents make before the girls are attending. Okay, so disturbing.

Karen McFarlane: 15:17

This is so true.

Brittany S. Hale: 15:18

Yeah, yeah, it's okay. So when you have these consultants who are giving all sorts of advice, there's one woman who was recently featured in New York magazine. Her name is Tricia Addicts and she's the first official rush coach in her coaching service and she's the first official rush coach In her coaching service at this point. She employs 19 people that she pairs with clients across the country, and many of them are moving to Southern schools. So, to your point, what is the benefit of this? It's moving to a Southern school, which may have particular attitude or perspective on some of the ideas that we've talked about in the past, right? So if your daughter's from upstate New York and she wants to go to the University of Alabama or University of South Carolina, her worldview may or may not be framed by that four-year experience. Many of these girls expect to marry, right? So I'll just pause there.

Karen McFarlane: 16:30

Okay, so I'm having some mixed reactions around it. At first, when you started talking, I thought that some aspects of it were positive, right, in terms of there are certain skills that are being developed in order to, number one, attract people to your organization, your sorority, your fraternity. And you know you're learning I don't know marketing and sales and communication skills through that process of doing the attraction and then also as being courted, right, that is, you trying to identify what's the best place for you, especially when you're young and in college, and you're developing these skills. Right, selling yourself, dealing with acceptance, but also dealing with rejection and all the things that come with that. So those are upsides to me.

Karen McFarlane: 17:28

The idea of bidding, or that word, was very jarring to, but, um, I guess it's kind of similar to in sports. You know the trading and and all of that. So I'll just ignore that for a second. But this whole idea of selling or coaching in a way it's still sales for access and proximity is disconcerting, because college in some ways is about leveling the playing field in some ways. Obviously, you have to get into college and be able to pay for it and there's other aspects of that. But in terms of the relationships that are being formed and the perspectives that are being formed. That's supposed to create opportunity, no matter where you come from or what your socioeconomic background is.

Brittany S. Hale: 18:37

I'm going to start you right there. Okay, I apologize, background is, and so the fact that you're right there. Okay, keep that thought because you're absolutely right. College is supposed to be quite a democratic small d experience. You get to engage with people who have different backgrounds and you either leave college, you know, feeling more strongly about some of the ideals that you came in with, and you either leave college, you know, feeling more strongly about some of the ideals that you came in with and you're fortifying with the knowledge to support them, or maybe you think completely differently about some of the ideals that you've been brought up with and the values and the ideas. So I'm going to go into our kind of scientific knowledge right, our evidence, and I'll give you a sense of the costs around Bama Rush. So let's assume your daughter gets a bid, congratulations.

Brittany S. Hale: 19:36

This is an average, and this is an average that some social media influencers who have rushed to share on social media. So there's a $4,000 membership fee. There's a $350 registration fee. In-house fee per semester can be anywhere from $7,000 to $10,000. And then there's a $1,500 to $3,000 council fee for the Panhellenic Council. So, given some of these fees, the coach has like an online pre-recorded course, a series of videos. That's about $149. But if you want the one-to-one coaching, that's going to be around $5,000 for the one-to-one coaching. So I will just pause right there. What is your reaction to what I've shared?

Karen McFarlane: 20:41

Well, I think my quick math was like somewhere between $30,000 to $35,000, right? So now we've I didn't even think about it for a semester. So that's insane, first of all, and not to mention the costs before you even get to that process, right, because you mentioned that girls are trying to create their personal brands and become major influencers, and all of that just to be recognized, right, and all of that Makeup, hair nails, all of it, yep, exactly, designer brands that they may or may not be able to afford, things of that nature. So you have all of that. Then you have to go into this process and spend all this money, and it actually is just feeding into same certain groups, right, that have access to those money, to those monies, right, and doesn't create the small D democratic process that is necessary for people to grow and thrive and understand from a global perspective, like what the world is really like, and so it's just reinforcing seemingly old or traditional concepts about who should benefit and have that access over the long term, and it's just the domino effect.

Brittany S. Hale: 22:18

Yeah, so that takes us into our end right, the the intuitive understanding, the noose of it all. Because I should be quite clear that these sororities do a ton of public service, they do a ton of volunteering and we have a uh, a clear understanding of the investment that's required to be there, right? So for you to, for your daughter to come in without any sort of prior understanding and say you know, I just have a passion for service, I want to serve, I want to show up, get good grades and I want to meet like-minded women like myself who are interested in serving the community, our intuitive understanding of what I hear you saying is that there seems to be some misalignment there, because I don't know how it seems like service kind of gets lost in the shuffle.

Karen McFarlane: 23:22

Oh, absolutely. I mean, anyone should be able to be called to service and serve, but this is not for anyone. This is for anyone who has money to be. And also, what it doesn't seem like is that those that money is being used for service, it's just being used for access, and that doesn't seem like that is part of the purpose of what these organizations are supposed to be about. Nor is it about what we should be teaching young people about being servant leaders within their college, within the community, within the world.

Karen McFarlane: 24:05

So that's being skewed because it's just about for lack of a better term being with the cool kids or being popular with the cool kids. Right, like. That just feels distorted to me and it also feels like I don't know who this coach is, but I'm going to assume they're not in college. But it feels like adults, all right, are just getting in the middle of young people business and for so many years they've been doing okay, right Seemingly, and building their own communities, and those communities have grown throughout time. They've stuck together, they've built those networks, they have those, like you said, those graduate programs that they can continue to build, but why are adults getting all involved in this?

Brittany S. Hale: 24:55

Yeah, and so that's a great question, because this woman addicts that we mentioned before. She went to college in 1986. She's from North Carolina, she enrolled at the University of Georgia and so she lined up with other girls.

Brittany S. Hale: 25:19

They wore all white dresses for bid day and she saw that her bid card was empty. No one had bid on her and she rushed again the next year and was able to get into a sorority. But that experience stuck with her enough for her to again. She went to college in 1986, so we can estimate how old she is now. It stuck with her long enough for her to offer this as a service to other girls. So one of her clients spoke.

Brittany S. Hale: 25:46

She says rushing a sorority is a long and complicated process, but it could still be the easiest way to find the right kind of friendship on campus with other white, wealthy, well-connected girls. Now you need a photograph, a resume. A short video has to be submitted to each sorority, and then the summer has been requesting letters of recommendation from either sorority alumni, choosing outfits, building a social media page, and so it's actually a little longer than a week. It's about nine days divided into themed rounds. So, addicts, when she meets a client, she writes down a prediction of of where she thinks they'll land, and so she tells them be who you are looking for is looking for. So become the person you want to select you.

Karen McFarlane: 26:42

Oh, don't be you Okay.

Brittany S. Hale: 26:44

Exactly, exactly. So she will say you should hire a photographer to take a portrait in a setting that's meaningful but not too formal. You should. You have a minute long video to communicate your worth right.

Karen McFarlane: 27:02

Your worth.

Brittany S. Hale: 27:03

okay, right, so I'm using these words. This is not from the article. Okay, paraphrasing, got it, got it right, exactly, I'm paraphrasing. So, uh, addicts told her client, gracie, to tweak her answers to speak more about her friendships and less about her grades and her accomplishments, which is really interesting, uh, so question you should answer questions like what are your two favorite words that would describe you? What was your favorite class at high school? Not how you did, but what was your favorite right? What is your most life-changing moment? And so this is a direct quote.

Brittany S. Hale: 27:44

She says the client should post frequently online. Frequently is about maybe three times a day. So you want to be someone who looks like a loyal friend. The number of photos by yourself should not exceed the number of photos with your friends. It should be no images of you in a swimsuit, and photos with sports teammates are fine, but shouldn't be anywhere suggestive like a beach and clients from the Northeast, for example, folks like us. You should wear shorts, low cut tops, sheer tops, stilettos over the knee, boots, cutouts, tighter bodycon dresses. Be dynamic enough to be remembered, but not too flashy. It's expressing your individuality in the right situation.

Karen McFarlane: 28:52

It feels so contradictory, like what do you want a resume for? Okay, if you want people to focus on their friendships and not focus on grades, right? So nothing about your intellect, just about how you can be a good friend.

Brittany S. Hale: 29:07

This feels very stressful, having to clearly have a false image, not that you actually have to be image. You don't need a framed recommendation letter. Oh, okay, just saying that was her term. She said you must appear to be a good friend.

Karen McFarlane: 29:23

So you have to curate an identity that may not be your own Correct, In order to potentially get access to the group that you want to get access to In some ways, though. I mean, what are her results?

Brittany S. Hale: 29:46

Because right now this sounds like a grift. This is a great question. It's not clear. It's not clear Okay, that makes sense what the results are. It seems that she says the rush coach is insurance. It's five grand or more to guarantee a spot in a house, but a bid is not necessarily guaranteed for those who follow every piece of advice in her, what she called a rush Bible. Other coaches who offer similar services at the same or a higher price point didn't comment on whether they coached girls who get rejected. So anyone that says 100% of clients get into a sorority across the board is not being up front with you. So the most expensive service offers unlimited one-on-one coaching with the chief consultant, full social media, edit vocabulary sheets for conversation during rush and care packages sent to your dorm including custom stationery to write thank you notes.

Karen McFarlane: 30:56

So we're also teaching manipulation On top of it. So these are the skills that we are compelling girls to learn.

Brittany S. Hale: 31:09

We are compelling girls to learn One of the social media influencers who dropped her sorority. She says the girls treat Rush like it's life or death. If they don't get a house they want, they will drop completely from recruitment and go to a depressing episode. But ultimately the coach's clients believe it's worth the price. So the girl, gracie that we mentioned she found herself in a unique position to choose her sorority, not the other way around. So before she opened the envelope she pressed record to send a video to her mother. When she read the sorority's invitation her eyes lit up. She jumped up and down. Her mother, who was only five states away, took a screenshot for their family Christmas card. It was pure joy to know that I worked so hard and I put such time and energy to get that card and open it up. It's so happy, it's so rewarding. So my question the artistry of it right Um, um? Is authenticity real? Is it what you make it?

Karen McFarlane: 32:28

It's an excellent question and today you know, it's very hard to determine if it is real or not, or how to even demonstrate it. So, in a world that you can so easily manipulate your image, your voice, everything about you, and curate it to fit a certain narrative and that's actually encouraged, particularly in the job hunt right, with people really trying to beat the AI tools not necessarily be their authentic selves, because their authentic selves cannot be read by AI or humans, not even looking at it. So we see that already. And now we're seeing that young people, you know, are being taught to do that even before they leave high school, taught to do that even before they leave high school, right in order to participate in these types of groups. That is the lessons that we are pushing in order to obtain whatever it is that they want to obtain. So don't be who you are, because who you are may not get you where you need to be. Yet we want people to be authentic. We reward authenticity. We feel that, and how is this generation going to learn what that means or how to even feel it between two people, if they can never be their true selves because they're told that's not good enough?

Karen McFarlane: 34:04

I don't like that. We're commoditizing these types of relationships and interactions. That just doesn't feel right to me. I don't like that older people are not giving younger people their autonomy and help, leaving them to their own devices to discover and explore how even these processes can evolve right, and I'm sure they have evolved over time. They go to college to be their own people and to learn what they need to learn, or to learn how to learn, and then come out as hopefully as critical thinkers that can evolve, especially in these very changing times. And if everything is handed to them on a plate in that way, like here's exactly how to speak, here are the words to use, here's how to act, how do they develop their own sense of self and their own sense of confidence? How do they develop resilience if some of those things are just handed to them and they're not given the opportunity to build up, you know, through rejection, through hardship, through all of those things that make us who we are. I'm Gen X, right, you know. The jokes are on social media that we're the toughest. We can just be left to the wolves and we'll survive. And maybe that's where I come from, because a lot of this softness is very irritating because if there was an apocalypse tomorrow, who's going to survive? All right, I don't know that the younger generation will. I don't know that I will either, but the point is, I think I have a different kind of chance, so it's very disturbing.

Karen McFarlane: 35:55

I also think that in some ways it is creative. You're taking advantage of a situation. You're taking advantage of the emotions that people have around this stuff and tapping into that. Parents will pay the money because they want to see pure joy on their child's face. College is a life changingchanging situation, right, and you want to be sure that when you send your child off, that they are happy, that they have friends right, they'll do the work, but if they don't have friends, they're not happy. So it's taking advantage of a lot of these things. I guess it's no different in some ways, the coaches and consultants that help people get into certain colleges. This is just another angle, but I also have critiques for the collegiate coaches, right, because you're skewing the game and not everybody has access, so it's a very complex issue. I admire the creativity, but I question the methodology and I'm wondering about the results.

Brittany S. Hale: 37:16

Yeah, you know, it makes me think of the celebrities who recently, you know, a few years ago, were was it Felicity Huffman? There were a few folks who were charged with lying on their kids' applications and thinking these photo shoots is that their children were part of these teams, all for the chance to be admitted into these schools. So, you know, I consider myself in some ways a traditionalist. I do. I love the idea of tradition, I love the idea of passing down practices and values and all of the things that connect us and reinforce connection to one another, reinforce connection to one another. And it's always an ongoing conversation within myself, within others, about which traditions we keep and for what purpose, and which we choose to sit down and lay down.

Brittany S. Hale: 38:18

Um, yeah, you know, I, I, I have members of my family who are very ardent about being part of one particular sorority and the question is always okay, but why, right? Why this one as opposed to others? And um, and so, again, I can understand a parent wanting, I can understand you want you to do something that's good for your, your kids, yeah, and I guess it comes back to the question who's good being?

Karen McFarlane: 39:01

right? Yeah, exactly, I mean, people want to be grounded in something and feel connected, and being connected to a particular group, as we are social creatures, is a very powerful draw. But when is that draw becoming harmful? Not only to you, but you know the people around you and you know, at a macro level, society. So those are questions I think we always have to ask ourselves. I don't think that we do, because as individuals, we want what we want. We look at it through a very narrow scope scope, but particularly now, we have to ask the bigger questions.

Karen McFarlane: 39:51

As we see unemployment rates rise, some of these things become even more attractive. A lot of kids are going to college and they're coming out and they can't get jobs. And with AI on the rise, there's a lot of chatter about what that effect will be and how entry-level jobs will be affected, and your network becomes even more valuable, even more necessary, even more like life or death, essentially, and so I think it's going to fuel more of these types of services and focus on building those relationships and connections to powerful people in groups more intentionally as they start in younger years. I mean, that's what private schools are for also too, that proximity and access, and so it's just another extension of that. I think we can expect to probably see more, but we have to keep a watch on what the effect will be long-term and who benefits that's always the question.

Brittany S. Hale: 41:01

Well, thank you for letting me take you down this journey.

Karen McFarlane: 41:04

Hopefully you saw listen, I learned something new. I mean this is, this is amazing. I'm gonna you know.

Brittany S. Hale: 41:09

Now follow uh bam or russia I'm going to send you a ton of videos and see what happens.

Karen McFarlane: 41:20

I always think back like what if I did pledge, you know what would be different? And I thought about it. I don't know, maybe like 10 years ago, should I try and I was like, well, which one, like who do I represent? And then I was like you know what I represent myself Exactly?

Brittany S. Hale: 41:42

I mean it's not too late, depending on you know, I know, but I think I'm good, but we'll see.

Karen McFarlane: 41:51

Maybe after I, you know, look at some of these TikToks. I'll be like, oh, maybe I should explore what that's about and see what you're doing in the community. That might be my tune, you know. You might be raising up signs and all sorts of things. Whatever they do, I don't want to raise it because then I'll get in trouble.

Brittany S. Hale: 42:08

All right, all right.

Karen McFarlane: 42:14

This was a great discussion. Thanks for teaching me something new today. See you All, right Bye.